My Interview With Ahmed
I am terribly sorry if this counts as plagarism of some of the hilarious "interviews" I have read, but I had a light-bulb moment after seeing yet another Muslim call for the Pope to apologize.
Me: "Excuse me, Mr. Ahmed, you promised me an interview, remember?"
Me: "Not all of you! Cripes. Which Ahmed was it?"
Ahmed: "It was me, you stupid infidel. Now get this interview over with so I can finish burning the pope!"
Me: "Okay. Now, Mr. Ahmed, I need to understand. What makes you so angry?"
"YOU STUPID FEMALE INFIDEL!! YOU SHOULD BURN IN HELL!!! I AM ANGRY BECAUSE THE POPE SAID ISLAM IS A VIOLENT RELIGION!! I WILL BEHEAD HIM FOR ALLAH!!"
Me: "Oh. So you're inciting violence because the pope said you were violent?"
Ahmed: "I AM NOT INCITING VIOLENCE! THE INSENSITIVE STUPID INFIDEL POPE WHO SHOULD DIE INCITED THIS VIOLENCE WITH HIS THOUGHTLESS COMMENTS!"
Me: "Stop yelling. Didn't your mother ever teach you manners?"
"ISLAM IS MY MOTHER!!!!!"
Me: "Oh my gosh. What happened to your beard and your cape and all that junk?"
Ahmed: "Burning the evil stupid infidel pope can be dangerous at times, you stupid idiot redneck neo-con AMERICAN!"
Ahmed: "I trust there are no more stupid questions?"
Me: "Actually I have a few more."
Ahmed: "First I must ask you WHY ARE YOU NOT DRESSED AS A PROPER MUSLIM WOMAN???"
Me: "No thanks, black isn't my color. Can we stay on subject?"
Ahmed: "Israel loving whore."
Me: "Whatever. Anyway, may I ask why, if the Pope's comments are so bad, you haven't been condemming terrorism?"
Ahmed: "Terrorism? TERRORISM?? You mean like the unjust and brutal occupation of Iraq for oil!?!"
Me: "It wasn't for oil."
Ahmed: "YES IT WAS!! Some fat infidel in a ballcap told me!!"
Me: "CAN WE PLEASE STAY ON SUBJECT??"
"ISREAL LOVING WHORE!! YOU EAT MUSLIM BABIES!"
Me: "Mr. Ahmed. Isn't it true that you are proving the Pope's point? Isn't it true that you should spend more time condemming those who use your religion for violence than those who point that fact out? Isn't it true that YOU are what's wrong with your religon?"
Ahmed: "I WILL BEHEAD YOU FOR THAT! ISLAM IS A RELIGION OF PEACE, AND WHOEVER DISAGREES DESERVES EXECUTION!!"
Me: "Thank you for the interview. I guess I got my answers."