Wednesday, January 04, 2006

A preview of the Alito hearings...

Since I watched quite a bit of the Roberts Confirmation hearings, since the Alito fight is heating up, and since I'm just a general smart-aleck anyway, here's a little preview...

Fox News Announcer: "And now we take you to the Alito Hearings, where Senator Dianne Fienstein is about to question the would-be justice."....

Fienstein: Mr. Alito, your record indicates that you have, for many years, been against that great, that wonderful, that super-douper precedent of Roe v Wade. Yes! Roe v Wade, that landmark case of the right of a woman against government intrusion, the right of the small against the great..."(various babble for 10 minutes) "So, Judge Alito, what would your answer be?"

Alito: "I forgot the question, and besides, I can't comment on that."

Arlen Spector: "Thank you Mr. Alito, Ms. Fienstein. Now we will hear from Senator - yes Senator. Ah, the Senate! A bastion of good, and right. Of fair mindedness and Justice! The Senate, Oh, the Senate will be fair with Alito, I trust..."(goes on for 15 minutes) "And, as I was saying, we'll hear from Senator Lindsey Graham at this time. Sir? Wake up, sir!"

Graham: (Yawns) "Greetings to Judge Alito, Senator Spector. To start with, I would like to remind everyone here that Judge Alito is a fair man. Yes, a fair man who will put precedent over principle, law over opinion, and above all, respect justice. So, Mr. Alito, I would like to commend you on your wonderful ability to do so. It is amazing to the lay person how you can do such a thing, but you have proven, oh you have proven, that you can."(Goes on for 20 minutes...) "So, what I would like to ask you, is will you continue with your sterling record, your admirable judicial temperament, and your amazing respect for precedent?"

Alito: "Yes."

Spector: "And now we'll hear from Senator Ted Ken..."(confers briefly in whispers) "... as soon as he returns from the bar- uh, business."

Kennedy: "Ssenatorr Alito - uh, Judge Alito, first I would like to ssay, as your record indicates, you are against a-abortions?"

Alito: "I can't comment on that"

Kennedy: "B-but we have records to show that you wwanted to enslave women to their husbands b-by fforcing them to wear bonnets."

Alito: "No, to tell their husbands if they wanted to kill their baby. And I can't comment on that."

Kennedy: "It's a w-woman's right to an a-abortion, started by that wonderful preshedent, Roe v Wade. Womenn for YEARS have trusted this preshedent to give them rights. Rights! Inalienable rights!"(goes on for 20 minutes) "So, what do you say to that?"

Alito: "I forgot the question."